Men Explain Why Women’s Yoga Pants Should Be Banned In Public

“I’m just generally in favor of decreasing women’s options.”

“Yoga pants seem like an overall easier issue to talk about than abortion.”

“If I wanted to see a woman’s figure, I’d just have AI create a fully nude photo of her.”

“Being mesmerized by a fair lady’s hind quarters has led to the destruction of many empires.”

“What are they, like, $1,800 per leg? That’s too extravagant.”

“Too horny, not safe!”

“They remind me of the insecurities I have with my own body, which I work hard to keep compartmentalized.”

“Egads! Only a promiscuous she-devil would cavort around in bloomers that exposed her ankles thusly.”

“Some of the prints are just too bold.”

“Banning things women want is one of the last vestiges of American masculinity and must be protected at all costs.”

“If we want women to make bolder fashion choices, we have to force their hand.”

“Athleisure makes it easier for them to run away when I start talking to them.”

“It’s less yoga pants specifically and more any garment that may suggest a woman has a crotch.”

“Only I should be allowed to show off my voluptuous curves in comfort and style.”

“I need to think about other people and their choices constantly. As a result, I’ll eventually form this opinion. It’s just a matter of time.”

“The founding fathers had no idea how stretchy pants would one day become.”

“I don’t know where women got the idea that they can just go around wearing pants.”

“They’re an unpleasant reminder of my own flat ass.”

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