Most Common Issues Men Bring Up In Therapy

Not a huge deal, but if their dad just died that week they might want to shoot the shit about it for a sec.

Therapists often help men implement boundaries with the woman they’ve decided to ruin your marriage with.

Men often find it hard to focus due to obsessive thoughts about their ability to defeat various species of wildlife in hand-to-hand combat.

Eventually, every male mentions their envy of Regis Philbin.

While a rational fear, talking through the ups and downs can help.

Such a weird couch or chair thing, whatever you call it.

Men hate them, they don’t understand them, and they feel mocked by their height.

It can be difficult to talk about suicide, but a therapists can help men figure out which end of the gun to use to blow their brains out.

Many men can’t cope with their feelings of a purple, viscous, sludge pouring nonstop out of their orifices.

Hunger is often misdiagnosed in men as something requiring the help of a licensed therapist.

These unanswerable existential questions are especially difficult for men to grapple with.

One half of the couple playing as Bowser while the other plays as Toad could be indicative of larger issues that could lead to divorce down the line.

Men often build their whole life around getting just one kind word from the rock icon and are devastated that it never arrives.

Most men in therapy deeply relate to the film Smart House, which follows a boy genius who is so desperate to stop his single father from dating that he creates and programs a smart home to be his surrogate mother.

Therapy can help men pinpoint new and creative ways to manipulate the women closest to them.

Therapists understand that being called “horse dick” for five years can really destroy a man’s self-esteem.

Men absolutely hate it when therapists ask about their relationship with their parents right when the big game is on.

Most men are insecure about their lancing prowess, and many of those same men tend towards a corrosive lifestyle of performance-enhancing potions and spells.

When does therapy start getting juicy like in the show?

Have they tried booze?

Many men suffering from toxic masculinity learn through therapy that they need to stop being little bitches and grow a pair.

You drunkenly kill one guy with your car and suddenly everyone thinks you’re crazy.

It’s good to seek professional help when the old bitch is on the rag.

It’s hard for creepy men to find any romantic prospects.

You have to use all your fingers to do the chord, and if you can’t do it, you can’t play ‘Purple Haze’ the right way.

Why don’t they just use electricity? Who could it possibly hurt? These questions haunt all men.

Skip the psychobabble, and let’s just have a thumbs-up or down.

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