SAN FRANCISCO—Pointing out that most of them don’t even own a professional sports team, local billionaire Felix…
NEW YORK—Maintaining his silence in the wake of sudden tragedy, new hire Will Rorke told reporters Monday that he…
HILLSBORO, OR—Lambasting the verdict as “cruel” and “brash,” 3-year-old Ian Tobler reportedly vowed Monday to appeal…
SAN DIEGO—In an attempt to reward the loyal fan for his years of support, PornHub reportedly surprised frequent…
TAMPA, FL—Explaining that his plate was positioned perpendicular to, rather than parallel with, his mouth, local man…
NEW YORK—Pleading with the individual to think rationally, onlookers reportedly urged suicidal jumper Harrison…
SAUSALITO, CA—Stressing that she had done everything in her power to avoid medical intervention, local vet Dr. Anita…
SCHAUMBURG, IL—Admitting that he should frankly know better than to share anything at this point, local man Jason…
NEW YORK—Calling out the unsustainable pace at which historic events seemed to be occurring, local man Brad…
CORAL GABLES, FL—Calling the project “a labor of love,” plastic surgeon Dr. Alexander Ruttenberg reportedly tore his…
KENOSHA, WI—Stunned at the act’s failure to benefit his mood in any discernible way, completely alone 37-year-old…
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