CONCORD, NC—Explaining that the proposal completely upended his previous understanding of their friendship, a lopsided fantasy football trade offer that local man Henry Dukes reportedly received Monday morning forced him to reconsider how his friend Jordan Kaczmarek must perceive him. “Wow, he must think I’m a total fucking idiot,” said Dukes, explaining that he had assumed Kaczmarek and he mutually respected each other’s intelligence until he received a notification that Kaczmarek wanted to trade him Los Angeles Chargers wide receiver Justin Palmer and the Indianapolis Colts defense for Dallas Cowboys running back Tony Pollard. “Wow, a flex receiver and one of the worst defenses in the league for a blue-chip running back. It goes beyond being insulting. Seriously, he must think I’m incredibly stupid. We’ve been in this league together six years—is this what he’s thought of me the whole time? He even sent me a text after making the offer saying how excited I should be to have the Colts defense since I went to school in Indiana, even though he knows—or I thought he knew—that I’m a Bengals fan, since my family’s from there. Even if I was a Colts fan, does he think I’m so much of a homer that I would kneecap my team just to get their third-rate defense? Man, he must think I’m the dumbest guy in the league. I don’t know if our friendship can survive this.” At press time, sources confirmed Dukes had accepted the trade.