OLATHE, KS—Assuaging a client’s concerns about a potential problem with their heating and cooling system, local HVAC technician Frank Legrand confirmed Thursday that the random clanking noise the homeowner was hearing at night was merely the normal sound of a pervert’s erection hitting an air duct. “In an old house like this, you’re bound to hear those kinds of noises anytime you’ve got a voyeuristic degenerate hiding in the ducts who peers at your family through a vent grill and becomes aroused,” said Legrand, explaining that the tight quarters and the fact that the pervert was likely nude up there had no doubt resulted in his fully engorged penis slapping against the walls of the aluminum duct. “When things start getting hot, your crazed sexual deviant’s penis will start to swell. It’s really nothing to worry about HVAC-wise, but if it bothers you, or his soft moaning is keeping you up at night, we can definitely remove him. Of course, chances are there’s another one out there ready to take his place, already throbbing with excitement at the thought of pleasuring himself as he spies on you, your spouse, and your children in the intimacy of your own home.” Legrand went on to stress to the homeowner that they should call him immediately if they started to notice any sticky spots on the floor or drippings from the ceiling.