SARASOTA, FL—In a statement that confirmed customers turning a year older could now blow out their candles on a slab of cured meat, delicatessen supplier Boar’s Head announced Thursday that supermarkets nationwide would soon begin offering its all-new Funfetti Birthday Ham. “Make this birthday one to remember with a smoked, cake-batter-infused Virginia ham that has been decorated with festive rainbow sprinkles,” read a company press release, which detailed a process wherein premium leg-cut pork was bestrewn with multicolored candy pieces, dry-aged for six months, and then glazed with a rich vanilla frosting. “Why choose between a decadent, buttery birthday cake and a savory, succulent ham when you can have both? Pairs well with all Boar’s Head mustards.” As a serving suggestion, a company spokesperson recommended asking the worker behind the deli counter to slice the Funfetti Ham extra thin in order to make delicious birthday sandwiches.