Woman Doesn’t Appreciate Being Told To Chill Out By Reggae Song

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SAN DIEGO—Expressing frustration that her feelings of anger and hurt were not being validated, local woman Rory Schaffer confirmed Tuesday that she did not appreciate being told by a reggae song to chill out. “This music keeps saying I should simmer down and that every little thing’s gonna be all right, but that’s not what I need to hear right now, okay?” said the visibly distressed woman, adding that her day was bad enough without having her emotional state belittled by a song that counseled her to just get together and feel all right. “Besides, how do they know? Maybe everything little thing’s gonna be a big fucking disaster! Oh, and how dare anyone tell a woman not to cry? Seriously, what kind of depraved, emotional terrorist does that?” At press time, Schaffer was seen holding a fat blunt and had reportedly reversed her position on the music, saying it all made sense now.