Although the youth vote was integral in his victory against Donald Trump in the 2020 election, Joe Biden’s approval ratings have tanked amongst 18-to-27-year-olds. If President Biden is interested in winning back Gen Z voters, he’ll have to do the following things.
What Biden Can Do To Win Over Gen Z
Transfer College Debt To Boomers
Forgiving loans is great, but Biden can also shift billions in debt to smug older Americans who didn’t have to deal with this shit.
Bomb The Fuck Out Of Lithuania
Who knows why Gen Z has so much beef with this small Baltic nation? What matters is that Gen Z wants it erased.
Smooth As Silk Moonwalk
Timeless. Everyone’s gonna love that one.
Develop A Fursona
A charming blue fox Biden could be the key to mobilizing the most powerful force on the internet.
Cover Their Shift On Friday
It’s their birthday, and nobody should have to work on their birthday.
Allow Them To Grow Older And More Disillusioned
Letting the world wring the idealism from them should make it easier for Gen Z to stomach a man who, in any other context but an American presidential election, is an unrepentant monster.
Die While Attempting A Kick-Flip
This would probably sway at least a few youngsters.
Melt Into A Puddle Of Slow-Steeped Nitro Cold Brew They Can Sip Through A Reusable Straw
The youth love cold brew, maybe even more than they love saving the environment.
Drop Out Of The Race Citing Anxiety
Resigning due to anxiety would endear Biden to many young voters.
Bring Back Lead Paint
Bringing Gen Z to a similar level of lead-poisoning-based cognitive decline will help to bridge the gap with older generations.
More Statements Belittling Their Concerns About Genocide
It hasn’t quite gotten through to Gen Z that their morals don’t matter to this administration, so the press releases need to come quicker.
Appoint MrBeast Secretary Of Agriculture
The thought of watching American farmers attempt to escape a giant maze in order to receive subsidies will surely please the youth vote.
Serenade Them With A Performance Of ‘La Vie En Rose’
Nothing will win over the hearts of Gen Z like a touching acoustic rendition of Edith Piaf’s signature 1947 love song.
Take Them To Dave & Buster’s
Everyone loves Dave & Buster’s!
Become An Entirely Different Candidate
All he has to do is refocus his efforts onto being a much younger, more progressive person with a completely different track record.
Claim Marriage To Jill Biden Is A Situationship
Commitment is for baby boomers and the elderly. It’s time for Biden to change his relationship status with his doting wife to a situationship so he can truly understand what it’s like to be Gen Z.
Self-Diagnose Himself With ADHD
He does have trouble staying focused on campaign promises.