Yellowstone, a show that has become mandatory viewing for white males over 50, follows cattle rancher Jon Dutton as he navigates the struggles of owning and operating Yellowstone Dutton Ranch. If you know someone who watches the wildly popular TV series, here are things you should never say to them.
Things To Never Say To A ‘Yellowstone’ Fan
“Isn’t that show for old people?”
It’s for anyone who romanticizes property rights.
“I don’t have Peacock.”
Yellowstone is also on CBS, Paramount+, Amazon Prime Video, DVD, Blu-Ray, and most AM radio stations.
“Is five spin-offs enough for you greedy piggies?”
No, they would like more cowboy slop for the content trough, please.
“Do they ban dancing in the town it’s set in?”
You’re confusing your generic towns full of conservative white people.
“So it’s like Game Of Thrones with rednecks.”
You’re completely right but it sounds insulting.
“I am going to steal your pic-a-nic basket.”
That’s Jellystone.
“That’s the show that my Grandpa died on his couch watching.”
It’s best not to remind them how exactly they’re going to die as well.
“1997.”
That is not one of the sanctioned Yellowstone years.
“Bar Rescue is the best show on the Paramount network.”
Nothing will ever be as entertaining as watching Jon Taffer scream at bar staff, but they’ll never admit it.
“There have been five seasons of the show so far.”
Are you trying to imply that you know more about Yellowstone than they do?
“I like the episode where Jordan Peterson extols the virtues of an all-beef diet.”
Yellowstone fans thought that this cameo detracted from the plot.
“Where can I catch conversations with actors and writers inspired by the show’s events?”
You won’t believe what’s coming after the credits.
“Who is that old guy?”
Kevin Costner used to be a big movie star when the target audience was young.
“The existence of the show itself is the epitome of the capitalistic exploitation of nature that the show is supposed to be against thematically.”
“The existence of the show itself is the epitome of the capitalistic exploitation of nature that the show is supposed to be against thematically.”
Have you considered the thematic implications of shutting the fuck up?
“The show does a lot to hire indigenous performers and showcase their involvement.”
No fan of the show wants to hear this shit.
“I was actually born in Montana.”
Great, now they’re gonna murder your dad for his house.
“Season 1 was so slow and meandering, I just fell off. I don’t think the show is for me.”
You should kill yourself.