Despite both the Supreme Court and the Biden administration ordering the removal of razor wire along the U.S.-Mexico border, Texas Gov. Greg Abbott has pledged to continue installing it. The Onion asked Texans why they support the controversial deterrent, and this is what they said.
“We wouldn’t need it if migrants just slashed themselves to death.”
“I think it’s effective, but I’m open to more humane ways of mutilating people.”
“For the same reason the Statue of Liberty is pointing a gun at the ocean.”
“You know, all the usual, non-racist reasons.”
“If razor wire is so bad, how come people are so desperate to get stuck in it?”
“If you’re not willing to endure multiple infected lacerations to get into this country, do you even want it?”
“It won’t stop them, but I’ll sleep better knowing they suffer.”
“Our nation is stronger with immigrants snagged on barbed wire and writhing in agony.”
“It sends the message to migrants that the United States is a land covered in razor wire and is completely uninhabitable because of all the sharp metal on the ground.”
“It wouldn’t be necessary if they’d stop removing all the land mines I put down.”
“It’s a must if you’re going for the rustic and natural aesthetic. It flows so well with the reclaimed wood and earth tone vibes already going down there.”
“We’ve got to pick a fight with Biden and the federal government about something, and this is the one that came up most recently.”
“Next you’ll suggest we not use tanks.”
“If migrants are scared off by a little razor wire, how are they going to survive the constant threat of gun violence in this country?”
“It effectively addresses both my border security concerns and my repugnant cruelty.”
“If it’s good enough for maximum-security inmates, it’s good enough for a desperate family from Venezuela.”
“When they’re trapped in razor wire, they’re easier to shoot.”