
Under SB8, private citizens in Texas can sue anyone who aids or abets in an abortion after six weeks of pregnancy. The Onion asked Texans why helping someone get an abortion is a crime, and this is what they said.
Under SB8, private citizens in Texas can sue anyone who aids or abets in an abortion after six weeks of pregnancy. The Onion asked Texans why helping someone get an abortion is a crime, and this is what they said.
“It’s a nifty way to use abortion law to terrorize people who aren’t even pregnant.”
“It’s one of the most immoral reasons to get into the carpool lane.”
“That’s second-degree healthcare.”
“I think leaving the state of Texas for any reason should be punishable by death, abortion included.”
“Rape and incest victims have had it too easy.”
“It’s not like we can outlaw being a woman. Not immediately, anyway.”
“They’re essentially accessories to a medical procedure.”
“It’s crucial we take a hardline stance and show people that Texas isn’t a state where you can just get away with empathy.”
“It’s the 21st century. Women should be empowered to do their own abortions.”
“That entirely depends on the tax bracket of the person involved.”
“Anyone doing that is probably a woman-sympathizer, if not an outright woman themselves.”
“It’s morally wrong to receive help for anything.”
“Driving someone to the airport should be illegal in all circumstances, but I’ll settle for just this one.”
“Helping someone get an abortion destroys our ability to one day imprison them and profit off their arrest.”
“Other women should be punished for not making the exact same choices that I constantly regret.”
“Assisting a woman to improve her life has actually been banned in Texas since 1891.”
“I’ve never needed help killing anything.”