Niemann Cheating Scandal Spirals Out Of Control As Magnus Carlsen’s Rook Found Dead

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OSLO, NORWAY—In a dramatic escalation of a story that has gripped the chess world for weeks, the Hans Niemann cheating scandal reportedly spiraled out of control Friday as one of Magnus Carlsen’s longtime rooks was found shot dead in an Oslo alleyway. “At this time we are investigating this as a premeditated murder carried out on Mr. Carlsen’s second most powerful chess pieces to strike fear into his other knights, bishops, and pawns,” said Olso Chief of Police Beate Gangås of the slain rook, known as a castle to its closest associates, which appeared to have sustained a lethal bullet wound from a point blank shot to its battlements. “Unfortunately, the rook was only able to move forward, backward, or sideways while nearby pawns looked on in horror. Otherwise, it may have been able to flee diagonally from its assailant. This is a very dark day for chess.” At press time, authorities confirmed that Carlsen’s other rook had been placed into protective hiding in disguise as a king.