WASHINGTON—Confirming that the sexual aspect of their relationships had faded long ago, the nation’s aging couples announced Wednesday that they were more friends than lovers by this point. “After decades of living together, we’ve found that simple companionship is more important to us than gratifying physical urges,” said Edythe Clarkson, 76, speaking on behalf of more than 20 million American elderly couples who reportedly didn’t need anything more than an occasional pat on the shoulder or kiss of the hand to feel satisfied with their partner. “In the early days of our courtship, we were consumed by the excitement of exploring each others’ bodies, but that spark of passion has long since transformed into soft, glowing embers that can help keep us warm long into our twilight years.” Clarkson added that any occasional erotic urges she experienced could be dealt with by getting absolutely railed by a ripped 20-year-old.