LocalLocalLocal3-Year-Old Vows To Appeal Parents’ Decision To Keep Newborn Baby BrotherHILLSBORO, OR—Lambasting the verdict as “cruel” and “brash,” 3-year-old Ian Tobler reportedly vowed Monday to appeal…PublishedJuly 29, 2024
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesSouthwest Airlines Ends Open Seating PolicySouthwest Airlines is shifting to assigned seats for the first time in its history, a change that will allow the…PublishedJuly 29, 2024
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsBreaking NewsStrict Rules In Olympic Village All Athletes Must FollowThe Olympic Village built for the 2024 Paris Summer Games is housing 14,250 athletes from 184 different countries. Th…PublishedJuly 29, 2024
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesNewsom Orders Removal Of Homeless EncampmentsCalifornia Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) issued an executive order calling on state officials to begin taking down homeless…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsBreaking NewsParis Opening Ceremony Features Tedious 45-Minute Discussion Of Godard’s Early WorksPARIS—With more than a billion viewers tuning in from around the world only to find themselves watching a panel of…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsBreaking NewsTeam USA’s Arrival In France Leaves American Basketball Rims Largely UnguardedWASHINGTON—Warning that interior defenses were spread too thin, experts confirmed this week that Team USA’s arrival…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
EntertainmentEntertainmentEntertainmentSteven Spielberg Apologizes For Removing Kiss Between E.T., ElliottLOS ANGELES—In a bombshell interview that has divided the movie’s fans and set the internet ablaze, director Steven…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
LocalLocalLocalPornHub Surprises Frequent User With Wife, Loving Family Upon 10,000th MasturbationSAN DIEGO—In an attempt to reward the loyal fan for his years of support, PornHub reportedly surprised frequent…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesCredit Card Delinquency Rates Hit 12-Year HighNew data showed that the share of credit card balances that are past due reached the highest level since the…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
SportsSportsSportsPhysical Therapy Office Politely Declines Daniel Jones’ Offer Of Framed, Signed Jersey For WallEAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Insisting repeatedly that they just didn’t have the space, physical therapy practice Elite…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsBreaking NewsTips For Getting Diagnosed With ADHD As An AdultAs awareness of the condition has grown, so have diagnoses and self-diagnoses of attention deficit hyperactivity…PublishedJuly 26, 2024
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesHydrothermal Explosion At Yellowstone Blasts Debris Into SkyA surprise eruption in Yellowstone National Park shot steam, water, and dark-colored rocks and dirt high into the…PublishedJuly 25, 2024
LocalLocalLocalDelight At Receiving Breakfast In Bed Mitigated By Difficulty Of Eating While HorizontalTAMPA, FL—Explaining that his plate was positioned perpendicular to, rather than parallel with, his mouth, local man…PublishedJuly 25, 2024
EntertainmentOnion Film StandardEntertainmentOnion Film StandardThe Onion Film Standard: 'Deadpool & Wolverine' CCSubtitlesOffEnglishEntertainmentOnion Film StandardThe Onion Film Standard: ‘Deadpool & Wolverine’PublishedJuly 25, 2024
Breaking NewsBreaking NewsBreaking NewsFact-Checking J.D. Vance’s ‘Hillbilly Elegy’Sales for Hillbilly Elegy, the 2016 memoir written by J.D. Vance, are soaring again after the Ohio senator was…PublishedJuly 25, 2024
EntertainmentEntertainmentEntertainmentNew Season Of ‘Naked And Afraid’ Shot Within Last 3-Square-Foot Patch Of NatureLOS ANGELES—Teasing the premiere as the show’s most daring experiment yet, a trailer for Naked And Afraid revealed…PublishedJuly 25, 2024
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesBiden Drops Out Of Presidential RacePresident Joe Biden ended his reelection bid and endorsed Vice President Kamala Harris to succeed him, saying in a…PublishedJuly 24, 2024
OpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesOpinionAmerican VoicesNetanyahu Addresses CongressIsraeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu spoke in front of Congress at the invitation of House Speaker Mike…PublishedJuly 24, 2024
EntertainmentEntertainmentEntertainmentMessage Hidden Backward In Black Sabbath Album Wishes Everyone A Good Time Listening To Rock And RollOMAHA, NE—Subliminally influencing those who have purchased the 1971 album to sit back and enjoy the music, a hidden…PublishedJuly 24, 2024