Aside from killing monkeys and destroying Twitter, Elon Musk has also had his sights set on something else: building Tesla’s futuristic Cybertruck. The Onion asked Musk’s fans why they want to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a Blade Runner rip-off, and this is what they said.
“I don’t think people were quite irritated enough by the Tesla I was driving.”
“I need a truck that shows people I’m not just an asshole, but an idiot too.”
“Cyber is my favorite color.”
“I never thought they’d actually construct a vehicle capable of containing a midlife crisis as embarrassing as mine.”
“I have aligned myself with this man, and there’s no turning back now.”
“I’ve been searching for a practical vehicle that not only is prohibitively expensive and looks horrifying, but will also lead to my untimely death in a matter of months.”
“All my money is in Tesla stock, so I really can’t afford not to like it.”
“All the delays in production to get to this point just show he really knows what he’s doing.”
“Driving a Cybertruck is the closest I’ll get to sitting on Elon’s lap.”
“I can flip people off, and they’ll have no idea how to open the truck door to fight me.”
“What else am I supposed to use my tenants’ money for?”
“It seems to be perfectly designed for a hit-and-run.”
“I admire visionaries who aren’t afraid to go against the grain by building products that are neither logically designed nor visually appealing.”
“I’m like Harrison Ford from Blade Runner, who also overpaid for a similar vehicle to impress a billionaire.”
“I love anything that costs a lot of money, looks humiliating, and doesn’t work.”
“I had my license revoked, so I need something inconspicuous to drive in.”
“I have zero taste.”