Congress Approves Empty Paper Towel Roll For NASA To Use As Telescope

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WASHINGTON—In a display of its ongoing commitment to the pursuit of scientific knowledge, Congress passed a measure Thursday approving the acquisition of an empty paper towel roll for NASA to use as a telescope. “Thanks to this generous act, our scientists will soon be able to cover up one eye, squint through a cardboard tube with the other, and sort of see a few stars,” said NASA administrator Bill Nelson, who explained the legislation would enable researchers to extract a paper towel roll from a recycling bin, paint it black, and cover it with shiny foil star stickers. “The only limit now is our own imagination.” Congressional aides confirmed the final bill had been scaled back considerably from a more ambitious proposal that would have also provided NASA with a large cardboard box to use as a spaceship.