While police are well trained to shoot unarmed civilians, plant evidence, and file for overtime, dealing with larger-scale events like arresting several hundred college students can be more daunting. The following are the best practices law enforcement should follow when clearing political protests and demonstrations.
- Lay your militarized tactical gear out the night before so you don’t forget anything.
- Cheat your hips at a 45-degree angle to appear slimmer on cell phone footage.
- Stay hydrated—nothing is worse than a clubbing cramp.
- When dragging protesters, be sure to lift with your legs.
- Blame whatever goes wrong on a severe lack of police department funding.
- Coordinate with other agencies to ensure nobody feels left out of the fun.
- Shoot now, attend mandatory webinars later.
- Just keep swinging until nothing’s moving anymore.
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