OTTUMWA, IA—Admitting she had a lot of decorating ideas in mind already, soon-to-be mother Diane Varnson announced Tuesday that she would be turning her womb into a personal gym the second her baby moved out. “It’s not a huge space, but with my baby leaving, I’ll finally have the room to put in a treadmill and some free weights,” said Varnson, adding that she was even thinking of installing a TV where the infant’s umbilical cord and placenta used to be. “I was also considering a home office, but a place to do yoga and unwind from a long day sounded way nicer. While I hate to admit it, I’m kind of counting down the days until my baby leaves, so I can start making this womb my own.” At press time, Varnson was reportedly drawing up a few plans to expand the gym by tearing down the uterine walls, since she wasn’t planning on having any more children move in.