Tigers Center Fielder Crashes Into Outfield Wall Just To Feel Something

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DETROIT—Facing yet another crushing loss during a long season on one of the worst teams in baseball, Detroit Tigers center fielder Riley Greene told reporters this week that he crashed into the outfield wall just to feel something. “Did I need to run full-speed into the outfield wall when that ball was clearly a home run? No—I did it because nothing else works,” said Greene, adding that he had tried to alleviate his suffering through other means, including hard head-first slides and crashing into his teammates in the outfield, but everything he tried had left him still feeling numb. “It’s tough out here when we keep losing. I’m just miserable, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any hope that we’ll ever be good. So when I saw that outfield wall, I figured, hey, what do I have to lose? Maybe it’ll hurt, and I hope it does, because at this point, I honestly need to know that I’m still capable of feeling anything but this darkness.” At press time, Greene was in the batter’s box, crowding the plate in an effort to get hit with a pitch.