MONTPELIER, VT—Shifting in their seats as the single woman laughed, sources confirmed Tuesday that local aunt Kirsten Bartek’s cheeky requests for a boyfriend for Christmas were growing more and more depressing with each passing year. “It was cute the first time, four years ago, when she asked for a man under the tree, but now it’s just uncomfortable,” niece Allison Cartwright told reporters, struggling to suppress a grimace as the perpetually single woman picked up a package under the tree, shook it, and said, “Ooh, sounds like Santa brought me a hunky one!” “We don’t even play along anymore, we just change the subject. No one will even ask her what she wants for Christmas because they’re too scared she’ll make the joke, so she just gets new gloves every year.” At press time, sources were pretending not to notice that Bartek had burst into tears.