DURHAM, NC—Pacing back and forth in front of a park bench on a beautiful sunny day, retired Duke University basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski reportedly spent Thursday afternoon screaming at the ducks to get back on defense. “What are you doing over there? Come on, hustle!” said the decorated former NCAA coach, who has reportedly spent most afternoons since his retirement last year throwing pieces of bread past the ducks and shouting at the waterfowl every time they let the morsels get past them. “I’ve told you a thousand times, we need close man-to-man coverage, and all of you are responsible for guarding your assignment. Every time you dawdle out there, you leave open lanes straight to the pond. Don’t quack if you can’t back it up, you hear me? If your teammate sets you a pick, you have to be able to follow through. Hey! Look alive out there!” Local park sources who observed the screaming retiree on the park bench noted that the man seemed to have a particular fondness for the whitest, most petulant duck.