CROFTON, MD—Conscientiously stowing away the important note, local man Gary Chen carefully placed a piece of paper in his back pocket Thursday to make sure it would end up going through the washing machine. “Gotta make sure to keep this in a safe spot,” said Chen of the piece of paper containing important information for accessing his investment accounts, mindfully folding it up and placing it in his jeans to guarantee that the paper would be washed and tumble dried on high heat. “I definitely should remember to hold onto this [so the laundry cycle can shred it into tatters, thus rendering the important text completely illegible]. It’ll come in handy later [when I’m picking it out of the lint catcher piece by piece].” Chen also made sure to put the pen he used to write on the paper in his front pocket to ensure it explodes ink everywhere and ruins hundreds of dollars worth of clothing.