CHICAGO—Shining a flashlight down a staircase that sent the renters scurrying away, local landlord Matthew Prero pledged Monday to address his building’s tenant infestation. “Jesus Christ, this has gotten out of hand—they’re everywhere,” said Prero, who expressed alarmed over how quickly the tenants had proliferated onto every floor and into every apartment, adding that it was clear many of them had been in the property for years. “I hate the little ones, they give me the creeps. They’re all disease carriers. I set out glue traps on my last visit, but that apparently didn’t work. I guess they’re smarter than they look. I talked to a friend who is also a landlord, and it’s the same thing over there. Once they start breeding, it’s really hard to get rid of them. Oh God, I think I just saw one. Kill it! Kill it!” At press time, Prero told reporters he had decided to just fumigate the whole building.