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In order to win approval from Florida’s Department of Education, publishers have begun removing mentions of race from social studies textbooks. The Onion asked teachers how they teach history without race, and this is what they said.
In order to win approval from Florida’s Department of Education, publishers have begun removing mentions of race from social studies textbooks. The Onion asked teachers how they teach history without race, and this is what they said.
“I say MLK was a person who organized a nonspecific group against another nonspecific group for nonspecific reasons, and that’s why he’s one of the greatest Americans to ever live.”
“It’s pretty easy if you just skip 70% of everything that’s ever happened in this country.”
“Turning the lights off and putting my head down on the desk for 45 minutes usually does the trick.”
“I just focus on all the aspects of history that don’t have any significance.”
“I play loud music to drown out my lectures on the civil rights movement.”
“I try to really focus on June 21, 1825 in Oslo, which was by all accounts a very chill day.”
“I just substitute the word ‘pickles’ for ‘slavery,’ though now all my students ask me why pickles are our nation’s greatest sin.”
“For civil rights I say Martin Luther King was white and was assassinated for not eating his vegetables.”
“That’s actually been pretty easy, but trying to teach trigonometry without mentioning race is damn near impossible.”
“I guess I’d say poorly and in a manner completely unworthy of my profession.”
“I don’t remember. I’m usually pretty drunk.”
“It’s easy. Nothing is about race. It’s all about the economy.”
“I homeschool my kids, and I must say this really will hurt the lessons on who controls all the banks.”
“I just avoid any historical event that isn’t the 2000 Sydney Olympics.”
“By not mentioning race, I can speed through all the remaining history topics in about a week. After that, I just tell the kids they don’t have to come to class.”
“Every time one of my students tries to ask a question regarding race I blow an air horn.”
“I just skip all of American history.”