Female Athletes React To Nike’s Revealing Olympic Uniforms

“Every woman dreams of spending the most important moment of her career in a thong.”

“It’s fine. I can just tie a sweater around my waist.”

“We’re not supposed to be sex symbols. We’re supposed to be symbols of dangerous hypernationalism.”

“It’s not enough that everyone’s nude for the opening ceremony athlete parade?”

“This is not what I fought for. I wanted assless chaps.”

“This is why my uniform is a car.”

“I fail to see how the nipple tassels optimize performance.”

“The official swimsuit is just body paint.”

“Right after Nike acquired European Wax Center too? Someone should contact the FTC about this.”

“I pushed for jeans, but whatever.”

“I don’t mind them. I really only got into distance running because of the raw sex appeal that came with it.”

“The ancient Olympians competed nude, so we’re getting back to our roots. Very cool, very retro!”

“Suddenly it makes sense that they moved all the women’s swimming to a moonlit beach.”

“It’s outrageous that it doesn’t come in chartreuse.”

“I’m worried this will cause men to start objectifying women.”

“I’d like to say I’m shocked and outraged by this overt patriarchal misogyny, but I’ve existed as a woman for more than a second.”

“Anything to one-up those prudes in Canada.”

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