The Official Motto Of Every State

Sister Lickin’ Good

Anxiously Awaiting Death’s Icy Embrace

Brought To You By Viagra

Sass Is In Our Name, Miss Thang!

There’s Tits And Ass In Them Hills

AVALANCHE!

[Sound of the ice in an empty scotch glass being shaken at the housekeeper]

Hey, You’ve Got To Embezzle Your Money Somewhere

N/A (Latin motto repealed for being too foreign)

Ominous Banjo Sounds

E ʻoluʻolu e hauʻoli i kou noho ʻana ma Hilton. (Hawaiian for “Please enjoy your stay at the Hilton.”)

He Who Controls The Potatoes, Controls The Masses

I Could Eat

We’re Telling God On You

Born To Corn

Ad Pizza Hut Per Aspera

In Giant Horse Cock We Trust

Land Of Unbreakable Levees

My Father Was A Lobsterman, My Father’s Father Was A Lobsterman, And My Father’s Father’s Father Was A Lobsterman

All Shall Bow Before The Mighty Claw

We Don’t Understand Why We Pay This Much To Live Here Either

Don’t Drink The Water

Ope and Dreams

Probably Best Not To Look Too Deeply Into Our Past

Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto

In The Mountains, No One Can Hear You Scream

There Are Fates Worse Than Death

1-800-GAMBLER Help For Problem Gambling

Live Free Or—Well, Not Exactly Die, Because That Would Be Catastrophizing, Which Our Therapist Has Us Working On, But Certainly Live A Slightly Worse Life

Liberty And Prosperity Or Your Money Back

The Screen Saver State

Hey, I’m Excelsiorin’ Here!

We Call Police

Good Afternoon. I Am Required By Law To Inform You That I, The State Of North Dakota, Am A Registered Sex Offender

If It Bleeds, It Breeds

Closed On Tuesdays

Dude, That Shit Must Be Laced

Where God’s Bounty Is Stuffed With French Fries And Covered In Melted Cheese

[Too small to read]

ULTRAMAGA NOT VAXXED 1A 2A RETIRED

In Gosh We Trust

The Birthplace Of Car Commercial Music

Unleash Your Child-Rearing Side

The Planet Kolob Of The West

0 Days Since Penis Stuck In Sap Hole

*~*~* Whatever Tomorrow Brings, I’ll Be There With Open Arms And Open Eyes, Yeah *~*~*

What Do You Mean You’re Not An REI Member?

Property of Jim Justice

We’re Good To Drive, Seriously

One Geyser To Rule Us All