BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Slowly pushing down the bedroom door handle in an attempt to enter without waking his wife, Jennifer Lopez, a disheveled-looking Ben Affleck reportedly sneaked in at dawn Wednesday reeking of coffee after he spent all night at a 24-hour Dunkin’ location. “And just where the hell have you been—oh, let me guess,” said Lopez, who pulled a sprinkle off the Argo director’s collar as he slipped under the covers, his eyes bloodshot from caffeine and the scent of hazelnut syrup seeping from his pores. “I’m not an idiot, Ben. You think I can’t smell that whipped cream and chocolate glaze on your lips? We talked about this. You’ve gotta take it easy on the Caramel Craze Iced Signature Lattes—if not for yourself or for me, then at least for your children. They’re old enough to understand what’s going on when they come downstairs and the kitchen table is covered in cranberry orange muffin stumps.” A source close to the couple confirmed that Affleck was kicked out of bed and slept on the sofa, eventually waking up in a pool of his own vomited Munchkins.