Senators Defend Having Dementia In Office

“Mental competence doesn’t really matter if you’re just saying what the lobbyists tell you to say.”

“If you know of a better place to put America’s elderly, I’d like to hear it.”

“That’s it—we’re getting rid of books about dementia next.”

“I mean, it’s not like we do that much here anyway.”

“Let’s just prop those meat-bags up in their chairs and get this show on the road.”

“I’m actually still undecided. How much does dementia pay?”

“No person with a fully functioning brain should have to listen to Chuck Schumer give a speech.”

“Many senior citizens work well past retirement age these days.”

“Early stage dementia is a perfect representation of the average U.S. citizen’s intelligence.”

“Sen. Feinstein keeps calling me Ricky Martin, and who doesn’t want to be Ricky Martin?”

“Little Ronnie Reagan? Is that you? Oh! I haven’t seen you in years. You look good. So young. What was the question again?”

“And a merry Christmas to you too!”

“This country has a proud legacy of leadership with advanced neurological deterioration, and it’s made us the country we are today.”

“If we forced every nonfunctional 90-year-old out of their position, the whole U.S. government would break down.”

“It’s a great excuse for insider-trading accusations.”

“I don’t know what everyone’s freaking out about. The job’s pretty easy.”

“When I was senator, I never let that stop me!”

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