HOUSTON—Following their victory over the Philadelphia Phillies to clinch the title, the Houston Astros credited their World Series win to the subject of a future MLB investigation. “We couldn’t have done it without the tactics that will be at the center of a wide-ranging probe by MLB officials roughly 18 months from now,” said Astros second baseman Jose Altuve, adding that his teammates would always recall the thrilling series as another stain on the franchise’s legacy. “There’s no feeling like this in the world, to know that you’ve won it all, and it’s all thanks to a clandestine system developed by our bench coach and put into action by a few players who will be the subject of rumors beginning in a few months, with everything coming to light just before the 2024 season. Ultimately, we couldn’t have done it without numerous violations that will result in the suspension of multiple players and coaches, and nobody can take that away from us, even though there will be calls to vacate our championship after this all gets out in the open.” At press time, Astros owner Jim Crane reportedly congratulated the team for carrying out the subject of the investigation in such a way as to keep him immune from punishment.