Things To Never Say To A Taylor Swift Fan

Unless you have a death wish, we would avoid blaming Taylor for any nationwide E. coli outbreaks.

Sure, we’ve been told that Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols had no help blowing up the FBI headquarters in Oklahoma City, but Taylor’s lack of an alibi can’t be ignored.

Mom, come on!

Taylor’s fans hate being confronted with the fact that her Photoshop and Illustrator skills are mediocre at best.

This is very insulting because all Taylor Swift fans watch these commercials on a loop for several hours each day.

Eat shit and die, how about that?

This is a common mistake, but that’s actually Billy Joel.

Look, an antitrust ally is an antitrust ally, regardless of how they got there, okay?

No offense to the Japanese people, but this haunting parable about loving a ghost has nothing on the song “cardigan.”

No need to ruin the façade for them too.

Taylor can and will strike you dead by lightning on a sunny day just for saying that.

I guess you haven’t read her research as the lead scientist of the Large Hadron Collider at CERN.

That’s just a weird thing to brag about.

Well, neither could Martin Luther King Jr., but we still listen to all his bops.

Don’t be mean, there’s no need to spoil her mystique.

While it’s fair to say that Midnights doesn’t hold a candle to Wagner’s 15-hour epic opera, it’s not nice to remind people about that.

No, she was just for teen girls, but now those teen girls are 30 and have developed an appetite for revenge.

Swifties have worked hard to forget Taylor’s brief electronic dance music phase back in the aughts.

You really shouldn’t tell anybody that.

It’s just a matter of time before she dominates that genre as well.

No, you’ll die someday. And according to the posts on Taylor Swift message boards, that day is today.