Signs You Are About To Get Fired

There is no surer sign someone will be fired than their boss adamantly promising no one will be fired.

Yikes. Might want to start touching up that resume. On a personal laptop, of course.

Any of these is a clear signal that you’re about to get canned.

Attempting to swipe your ergonomic desk chair while you’re still sitting in it can be a sign that they know something you don’t.

Your superiors pretend not to see you or just refer to you as a strange cold spot in the corner of the conference room.

That weaselly motherfucker only feels joy when he’s about to crush someone, and there’s no way he can hide it now.

Not only is your current job posted online, but it shows your full name, a head shot, and lists exactly why you suck.

If suddenly a picture of someone else’s kid is in a frame on your desk, someone might be trying to give you a hint.

Never a good sign when out of nowhere you’re not asked to participate in the next corporate regatta.

Whether they smelled decay or merely saw you dragging your carcass to your desk like a wounded gazelle, they know you’re done.

When free weights, a medicine ball, and a treadmill suddenly appear in your cubicle, your company is definitely ready to move on without you.

They may be trying to get you to quit first.

It used to be passionate and nearly constant. Now, you can’t even get a smile from a single vice president.

Powerful omens such as this are reliable indicators that you’ll be looking for work very, very soon.

You better shape up, or you’re going to be trouble in the office and at home.

If you’ve found a way to continue to receive a paycheck without doing any work, it’s your duty to fly under that radar as long as possible.

It is impossible to get fired from a job without first getting hired for it.

Anyone who’s seen Old Yeller knows where this is going.

Come to think of it, you may have actually been fired a few weeks ago.