Former President Donald Trump recently said during a rally that he’d invite Russia “to do whatever the hell they want” to members of NATO that had not paid their dues. The Onion asked Republicans why they were downplaying Trump’s remarks, and this is what they said.
“He obviously would never have said something so reckless without clearing it with Russia first.”
“Who cares if Russia attacks NATO? Most Americans, myself included, couldn’t point to the country of NATO on a map anyway.”
“Is it an organization, or is it a treaty? They got to make up their mind.”
“Donald was simply ringing a warning bell. God I love bells, don’t you? Cowbell, handbell, full circle, and carillon. of course. Have you heard a bonshō? Or an agogô? God, they are all just incredible. I just can’t get enough of those things.”
“Oh, so we’re judging people by what they believe now?”
“I’d like to see even more loan-sharking tactics in politics.”
“Jeopardizing a longstanding military alliance shows that he’s fun and spontaneous.”
“A Russian attack on NATO would inspire some fabulous war movies.”
“The former president obviously didn’t mean exactly what he said, unless he did, in which case I’m also 100% behind him.”
“He said nothing wrong. I agree with him that NATO is the enemy of our glorious motherland, Russia.”
“When Trump is reelected, he will adopt a more responsible tone and only incite civil wars.”
“At this point, I would be worried if he didn’t make reckless statements with catastrophic implications.”
“But I thought Democrats liked funding endless wars.”
“By now, I’m way past any ethical or intellectual qualms about just repeating what Trump says.”
“That’s just Trump the candidate. We have no idea what kind of president he’d actually be.”
“If you know a better way to bring about Judgment Day, I’d like to hear it.”