Onion Sports’ NFL Week 15 Picks

49ers: San Francisco rookie quarter Brock Purdy has displayed an incredible amount of toughness, playing through injuries as well as suffering through the brutality of watching Jimmy Garoppolo on the field.

Vikings: Matt Ryan has a proven ability to put the ball in the hands of any number of opposing teams’ cornerbacks.

Ravens: Expect a completely desperate DeShaun Watson to beg his teammates for a quick tug job in the huddle.

Bills: Miami head coach Mike McDaniel will have trouble managing the game after being stuffed into a locker earlier in the day by his own players.

Saints: With a win here, watch for Saints QB Andy Dalton to prove why he’s still the best option to lead your team to a 7-9 season.

Eagles: Chicago will fail to slowdown the Eagles high-power offense with long winded stories about winning the Super Bowl in 1985.

Jets: Expect the Lions to rebound from their two game winning streak and get back on track with a loss.

Panthers: With Pittsburgh’s rookie quarterback injured, expect Steelers backup Mitchell Trubisky to prove beyond a doubt that he has a strong future on the bench.

Jaguars: An impressive performance against the Titans in week 14 has Trevor Lawrence more motivated than ever to request a trade.

Texans: Houston can score a surprise win over Kansas City provided they discover some kind of magical amulet or talisman or something.

Cardinals: Look, at this point even the phrase “Broncos Country, Let’s Ride” is embarrassed to be uttered from Russell Wilson’s mouth.

Patriots: Bill Belichick has finally eased into a rhythm of making daily phone calls pleading with Tom Brady to come back.

Chargers: In the midst of a three-game losing streak, Tennessee is still looking for the right person to fire.

Bengals: Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady will have his hands full trying to evade law enforcement coming to subpoena him over his FTX endorsements.

Commanders: Dan Snyder’s Commanders have been one of the surprise success stories this NFL season, and proof that sometimes good things do happen to good people.

Packers: Aaron Rodgers will win this quarterback duel, while coming to a draw in debating various teammates about eugenics.