Habits Of Silicon Valley’s Most Powerful Fortune 500 CEOs

Setting an early morning alarm gives CEOs plenty of time to laugh while thinking about how they could quit their jobs right now and still be financially set for multiple lifetimes.

Top tech innovators ask not just questions, but the right questions, such as, “Who’s going to stop me?”

It’s good for tech CEOs to make sure they take a break from fucking over the world at large to focus on fucking over their family and friends.

Any worthwhile Silicon Valley CEO will regularly read books in order to contemplate new ways to further destroy the publishing industry.

The average tech mogul spends two hours a day doing 30 reps of hand pushups, hand sit-ups, and hand cardio to ensure their handshakes are at optimal firmness for maximum networking potential.

Now this is something we should all take up! Earning an average $14.5 million compared to the $39,888 of their workers perks CEOs up every morning and helps them get through some of their more boring days.

Here’s a tip from the Fortune 500 world that’s key for anyone looking to boost their own ego! Cornering an employee and screaming at them that they’re shit and would be nothing without you again and again until they break down in tears is key to getting the performance needed to fuel the rise of any successful startup. Just ask Peter Thiel!

Admittedly, we’re still waiting for the results on this habit. Marissa Mayer took up this habit on her first day as CEO of Yahoo! and is expected to return to her position in early 2031.

Everyone from Mark Zuckerberg to Jack Dorsey have gotten in on this fad habit of providing tools that weaponize human rage into an inexorable force eroding trust in public institutions and causing the public to descend into tribalism.

The quest for success is never ending, but taking little moments like this can help leaders remember what they are chasing.

Business leaders like Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos are known for their charitable giving, and you can emulate them by setting aside .01% of your annual earnings and receiving endless praise.

You’d be surprised how good this feels.

Almost all tech CEOs are motivated by the experience of having two enormous and visibly angry twins rowing at full speed behind you.

Nothing screams success like running over a homeless man with your car and dragging them 50 feet on the freeway.

It’s a lot easier to get what you want out of people when you can crush their skulls in your palm like a soft peach.

Every single CEO in Silicon Valley eats this for lunch every day.

Regular testimony helps keep the mind sharp and the regulators off your back.

Pretty much everyone in Silicon Valley uses a pen now and then, so it stands to reason that using one will make you rich and successful too.

CEOs take at least 20 hours out of their day to focus on themselves and their own needs

Hey, look, it’s just like you! That’s what you were looking for in this slideshow, right? Some proof that you were on the right track and you will soon be just as successful by following your routine of sleeping in, jerking off, and hanging around your bullshit friends? Sure! You’ll absolutely become an influential billionaire. Just keep at it, champ.