Follow Taylor Swift’s Every Move With Our Real-Time Jet Tracker

Even after millions of flights, it’s hard not to marvel at man’s ability to float above the earth at great speed.

They flew in with ease…but can they find their way out?

According to flight data, Taylor Swift charters a private jet to fly from her bed to her toilet each morning in order to relieve herself.

A longtime secret operative for the Chinese Communist Party, Taylor Swift often travels to President Xi Jinping’s Zhongnanhai compound to directly relay sensitive intelligence.

The pop star briefly touched the outer limits of the planet’s atmosphere 500 kilometers above the earth’s surface before near-total engine failure and a fire aboard the plane forced her to abandon her plan to visit outer space and let the pilot navigate back down to safety.

He spaced out and before he knew it he was pulling into his driveway, rather than their intended destination of Laos.

After running out of her beloved bubble-gum tape, Swift demanded they stop over at the Wrigley factory to refill her stock.

It’s unclear why, but Swift visits the Gateway Arch every Lunar New Year.

Thought it was fine. Not clear what it was trying to do, but well-made.

Due to dietary restrictions, Taylor Swift only eats pork ribs.

Flying a private jet to her corporate nine-to-five weekday gig significantly cuts down the commute time.

It’s a miracle! Taylor Swift’s jet has just landed in the middle of the Hudson River near midtown Manhattan! Nothing was wrong with the plane, she just wanted to stop.

Just checking in on what Travis’ high school ex is up to.

As an artist, you always have to find new ways to innovate.

Makes a lot more sense when you realize it’s where the World’s Largest Catsup Bottle is located.

Her landlord is suing her for $600 over some cat-related damages she left behind.

Swift won a hot-dog eating contest at a local restaurant outside Denver and now stops by for lunch every day to take advantage of her free-hot-dogs-for-life prize.

Swift used her Dassault 7X jet to fly back to an earlier time—a simpler time—before the deal with Big Machine Records, before the paparazzi and the platinum records. A time when she could just walk down the street like any other girl. She got bored and took off again two and a half minutes later.

Swift is visiting the house she shares with Kelce in the 36,000-foot-deep trench in order to get some privacy from her fans.

The latest update shows that Taylor Swift briefly landed on a snowy wooded runway where she met up with her centaur ex.

After her private jet suffered a mechanical failure, Swift was forced to continue her travels aboard a Greyhound Bus for the next several days.

No one makes meatballs like Nonna Swift.

She does three ragtime shows a night on a Savannah Riverboat cruise.

She said it was just to drop off a box of his things, but she’s been inside for 45 minutes.

Swift used her jet to cut to the front of the line for the Linus Launcher at Knott’s Berry Farm, which she subsequently rode six times in a row before getting sick and jetting off to the hospital.

Or maybe that was Elon Musk’s private jet tracker. Our bad.

The darkness… It calls…

Taylor showed up to say hi to Lena, only for Lena to open the door fully nude, causing Taylor to immediately hop back in her jet and fly away.

Somewhere above California, Swift asked the pilot to turn back, realizing she had forgotten to go to one of those owl cafés.

Swift’s plane is refueling on an island filled with adorable little monkeys that, oh God, they’re tearing her body to pieces, ripping off her limbs, Jesus somebody stop those fucking monsters.

Oh shit. She’s onto us. And is that…does she have a gun? Take cover!