Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson recently interviewed Russian President Vladimir Putin for over two hours, discussing topics such as the war in Ukraine and the imprisonment of Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich. Here is a rundown of everything we learned from the conservative commentator’s controversial interview.
Everything We Learned From Tucker Carlson’s Vladimir Putin Interview
Carlson Was Drafted Into The Russian Infantry
You show up on Russian soil, you leave with a rifle in your hand.
That Putin Is One Chatty Cathy
Will really gab your ear off if you give him an hour or so.
Putin Needed A Ride Home
Awkward end to interview as the Russian leader asks if he can get a lift back to the Kremlin in Carlson’s rental car.
Putin Is Capable Of Restraint
Not once during the interview did Putin call on his bodyguards to rough up Carlson, despite the host’s incredibly annoying demeanor.
Tucker No Longer Wears His Signature Bow Tie
Did this happen recently? Did we just not notice? We always still pictured him with that bow tie on, and it never occurred to us that he had stopped wearing one.
Tucker Carlson Is A Victim Of Censorship
Much of his content is locked behind a paywall.
No Nudity
So don’t waste your time watching.
Putin Thought He Was Doing a True Crime Podcast
Wearing a My Favorite Murder–branded infinity scarf and repeatedly demanding to see Ashley Flowers, Putin was eager to talk through his three-ring binder full of information on the JonBenét Ramsey case.
Putin Is An Introvert, But He Can Actually Be Extroverted Once He Gets Comfortable Around People
He totally shines in small-group settings!
It Is Really Hard To Watch Something That’s Two-And-A-Half Hours Long And Has Zero Explosions
This wasn’t addressed in the interview, or at least not in the 20 minutes we managed to get through.
Putin Can Absolutely Belt A High C
His dancing during the bridge of his first number wasn’t bad either.
Carlson Failed America By Refusing To Ask Putin About His Thoughts On Sexy M&M’s
The former Fox news reporter was clearly scared to ask the hard questions.
It Is Very Easy To Manipulate Elon Musk
Just call him “very smart” in public, and he’ll turn his whole business empire over to you without question.
Putin Believes In Fate, While Tucker Thinks We Write Our Own Stories
They’re both trying to get through this little thing we call life.
Carlson Took 8th-Grade World History
His grasp of foreign policy issues is clearly the result of months of rigorous, middle-school-level study.
Russia Is Pregnant
Putin used the interview to break the blessed news that his nation was expecting twins in July.
Carlson Slipped The Translator A Crisp $20 Bill Beforehand
Why? No reason.