Following the release of the trailer for Joker: Folie à Deux, The Onion reveals everything we know about the sequel to the popular 2019 film.
Everything We Know About ‘Joker 2’
The Subtitle ‘Folie à Deux’ Means ‘A Place For Storing Salt’ In Ancient Greek
It’s unclear how this will factor into the film. Maybe it takes place in ancient Greece?
The Runtime Is One Movie
Finally, films have returned to the length of movies.
Will Be Released On Oct. 4, 2024, Which Can Also Be Written 10/4/24
There are lots of ways to write dates in the Gregorian calendar system. In Europe, they do month second, so it’d be 4/10/24. Fun, huh?
The Second Of The ‘Joker’ Films
Gotta pad out this slideshow somehow.
Can Anything Ever Be ‘Known’ About Anything?
Read your Socrates, your Neoplatonists. Does knowledge even exist?
Unclear If You’ll Still Be Alive By The Time This Is Out
Heart attack, getting hit by a car, terminal wasting disease. Really a bunch of ways that could take you out in the months before the release of Joker: Folie à Deux.
The Joker Is A Rather Prickly Fellow
Despite his jovial wardrobe and rather silly-looking makeup choices, the Joker is, how shall we say, a bit rough around the edges and, by all accounts, takes some getting used to.
Lady Gaga’s Character Is Named Lady Joker
Also, the Joker’s enemy is named “the Joker’s Enemy.”
It’s A Musical
This time, they play that Chicago Bulls song the whole way through—not just on the stairs. Which reminds us…
There’s More Stairs
At different points in the film, characters can be seen walking up and down stairs in various situations.
Joaquin Phoenix Gained 500 Pounds For The Role
The actor put on a whopping 500 pounds in just 60 days to prepare for his role as Joker before director Todd Phillips reportedly told Phoenix that no one asked him to do that. He credits losing the excess 375 pounds by cutting out garlic bread.
You Will Spend $20 For A Ticket, $6 For A Soda, $10 For A Medium Popcorn, And Waste Approximately 2 Hours Watching This
You Will Spend $20 For A Ticket, $6 For A Soda, $10 For A Medium Popcorn, And Waste Approximately 2 Hours Watching This
Despite repeatedly telling yourself that there’s no way the movie will be worth it, you will still go, and you will regret it.
Todd Phillips Makes A Cameo
If you look closely, you’ll see him appear in a couple of scenes as the Joker’s hat.
Jared Leto Sent Shit To Actors Even Though He’s Not Starring In This Movie
Although Jared Leto no longer plays the Joker in the DC franchises, he still sent terrified actors several bags of his feces to stay in character.
The Talkie Is In Full Technicolor
Behold as vaudeville stars Joaquin Phoenix and Lady Gaga stun in dazzling color!
You Can Shoot Up A School Without Watching This
It’s months away, and you really don’t need to pretend a superhero antihero movie by Todd Phillips inspired you to take vengeance on your classmates.
Your Ex Is Going To See It With Their New Partner
And it’s date night, so they’re definitely going to fuck before, during, and after the movie.
Katy Perry Is In It
The singer allegedly plays Lady Gaga.
Being The Joker Isn’t All Fun And Games
While it may look fun to sing and dance all day with your girlfriend who is also a clown, terrorizing Gotham as the Joker is really hard work.
Throughout Filming, Lady Gaga Was Still In Character For ‘House Of Gucci’
Gaga performed the entire role with a thick Italian accent that had to be heavily altered in post.
The Film Is Nowhere Near As Good As ‘Charlie St. Cloud’
To be fair, though, no movie could ever reach the sublime highs of the 2010 Zac Efron vehicle chronicling the experience of a young man who, while grappling with the loss of his younger brother, discovers a supernatural ability to reconnect with the departed as he navigates love and redemption.
Joaquin Phoenix Spent Months Of Intensive Practice Learning How To Laugh For The Film
After being unable to do so in the movie’s first installment, Phoenix worked with masters such as Fran Drescher and Jimmy Fallon to hone his skill.
The Kind Doctors At Arkham Asylum Have Totally Fixed The Joker
Though a mixture of patience, medical know-how, and good old-fashioned love, the medical professionals at Arkham Asylum have quieted the demons in the Joker, allowing him to live a healthy, productive life.
Your Boyfriend Is Going To Make You Watch It
It’s not worth fighting over. You can just watch the new episode of Below Deck when you get back to your apartment.