Celebrities Reveal Why They Actually Divorced Their Spouse

“After years of Chris constantly asking me to check out his band, I finally did and, look, even I have limits.”

“Nicole Kidman? Haha! Great, so great! Thank you for asking. Hope you have an outstanding day!”

“Elin [Nordegren] said I was obsessed with golf, but when I started sleeping with other women, that wasn’t good enough either.”

“It was tough, Scarlett told me I just wasn’t enough for her. She said she wanted a man who could make her break out in an amused half-smile every day.”

“All of them complained about my beloved eels.”

“I was an Academy Award-winning actress; he was the star of Monster Garage with appearances on Sons Of Guns and Spike TV. It was never going to work. I was just too intimidated.”

“Will Arnett and I actually split because we wanted to see millions of sicko fans cry about how our divorce meant love was dead.”

“You’ve heard Russell Brand say even one thing, yes?”

“Before we made a long-term commitment, Jennifer [Garner] and I should have talked openly about how much I’d want to one day fuck our nanny.”

“Wait what? I need to make a call right now.”

“Sometimes you look at someone and you just think, you know, I’m just not the same person I was when we got married 72 days ago. And that’s why I split with Kris Humphries.”

“Meg Ryan refused to convert to Islam.”

“Chris Pratt and I made a suicide pact and then both backed out of it at the last minute. We just stood there, unfired pistols to our hands, and we knew the marriage was over.”

“I really want to tell you, but my NDA doesn’t run out for another 9,991 years.”

“Everyone knew Dennis [Rodman] had a reputation, so I shouldn’t have been surprised that he insisted on natural granite countertops when I was pushing for soapstone. We were always doomed.”

“He lied to me about his age. I was shocked. He told me he was a 53-year-old real estate lawyer. Turns out he was just some 20-something prank show host.”

“We’re still happily married, but the minute Nespresso tells me to, I’ll dump Amal on the side of the road.”

“Basically, Anna Faris and I have been in entertainment for so long that we have the intellectual development of 12-year-olds and the egos of omnipotent gods. Combine those two, put us together in an environment of crass consumerism, and you have a recipe for a relationship imploding.”

“Mostly, I wanted to see old photos of Brad [Pitt] and I with a big crack photoshopped through the middle.”

“People like to sensationalize my marriage to Jeff [Goldblum], but at the end of the day, we’re both just fame-obsessed sociopaths like anyone else.”

“Sometimes people change. God, please don’t tell him yet, it’s going to break his heart.”

“Me? I don’t know if you’d technically call me a celebrity. But, sure, I was married to Gwen Stefani and it ended.”

“It can be hard, I respect the genius, but all geniuses are a little crazy too, and that can make it hard to live the kind of life I really want. But me and Kanye will always be best friends.”