Billionaires Explain Why Space Is The Next Frontier

“I would like to ruin space for everyone.”

“Mankind has always yearned to seek out new worlds without labor laws.”

“I’d love to see if I can brainwash an alien race into devouring itself, too.”

“Space is a young man’s game. I will be going to the center of the earth.”

“Look, I could give a fuck about the future of the human race, but how cool would a space yacht be?”

“What else am I gonna do with this money, help fund schools?”

“For years, I have wanted to do an ad featuring a talking baby. On earth, I was beaten to the punch. That will not happen again.”

“Only my top-of-the-line, state-of-the-art dirigible aircraft has the bombasity, the fantasmicality, the zoomification to reach the heavens, and all those who doubt me are fools—fools, I tell you!”

“The fact we said so is sufficient.”

“For so many incurious souls, space is thought of merely as where God lives. But where does He work? Where does He go on vacation? These are the questions at the heart of space exploration.”

“It’s where balloons go.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty rad, I guess. We should do it. I just bought some sick DJ shit. Wanna see a pair of Hitler’s boots? I’m bored.”

“Clippers...in spaaaace!”

“Space is peaceful, serene, balanced, and there is no way we can let that stand.”

“Looking up to the stars, contemplating that vastness that is for now beyond our reach. It gives me hope that somewhere out there is at least one life form that likes me.”

“It’s not for me. Who wants to risk bumping into an ex.”

“I just remember seeing the Challenger and thinking to myself, ‘What if that happened all the time?’”

“Personally, I’m just in the market for a better hidden offshore account.”

“I’ve done the music industry. Movies. A vanity space project is my last hope to tank my fortune.”

“It’s the one thing my stupid dead brother never got to do. In your fucking face, David!”

“Look, I just want to put all the Jeffrey Epstein stuff behind me, okay? I told you I didn’t do anything with those young girls. And even if I did, he’s dead now, so what are you gonna do?”

“I’m an earth 8.5, but a Jupiter 11.”

“I’m not really sure, but they made me as a backup just in case his rocket exploded.”

“I’ve been stuck up here for three weeks. I guess I support putting more money into space exploration because I’m thirsty and you have to come get me.”