Biggest Revelations From The Uvalde School Shooting Report

Most of the nearly 400 officers actually specialized in standing, waiting, and occasionally pacing.

This delay added at least 30 minutes to the time it took police to neutralize the gunman.

Confused officers hesitated because they didn’t know if the gunman had permission to murder at will.

No one can blame the police for the alligator-infested moat surrounding the school grounds, nor could the police do anything about the broken drawbridge.

By attending class at a school in the United States, students were immediately put at risk.

Each Texas school hires a monster truck operator to run over potential shooters, but the one on-site that day was taking a nap.

And at least one of the teachers was dead the whole time, doing almost nothing to help the students.

In a tragedy where everyone seems to be passing the buck, investigators have unequivocally condemned the man who paved the way for modern door locks.

There’s no difference between acting immediately and waiting 77 minutes.

The 376 officers present were disorganized and lacked clear direction from any of the fourth-graders, who had fallen behind on their active-shooter training.

We salute all young martyrs who give their lives that the rest of us may freely own a product.

Oh, this actually didn’t end up in the report. Weird.

Seventy-seven minutes feels way shorter when you’re making memories with a few hundred of your best police officer friends.

This statement is required to appear in all official Texas government reports.

They are constantly innovating ways to incite disgust among the general populace.

If the shit Uvalde officers pulled doesn’t get them fired, we don’t know what will.

This is the only logical conclusion one could draw from the report.

Hey, they’re not thrilled they flubbed it either.

It’s healthiest to think of this as a practice round for the next school shooting.