Winter Olympians To Watch

A citizen of both China and the United States, Gu is using her platform to promote peace and understanding so the two global powers can band together and crush the rest of the world.

Competing in not just one but two events, Ledecká is a stunning example of how all these snow sports are bullshit.

Many are holding their breaths to see if this German can form the governing coalition required to run a four-man bobsled.

The Valkyrie captaining Norway’s women’s ice hockey team terrifies opponents with her control of who will be slain on the ice.

The two-time gold medalist with nothing left to prove will return for her third Olympics, a sure sign that she’s got absolutely nothing else going on in her life.

With 11 medals already under her belt, Wuest is flat-out delusional at this point if she thinks a 12th is going to be the one that finally brings her happiness.

Czechia’s star center is well aware that a silver medal equals prison.

The lanky but muscular Irish thespian is considered a lock for the role of bartender Harry Hope in this iconic Eugene O’Neil tragedy.

He told us he would kill us and our entire families if we didn’t include him on this list.

Who else are you going to root for while high at 2 a.m.?

At just 15, she’ll still have time to crack under competitive pressure at the next Olympics even if she doesn’t this time around.

The force behind Canada’s juggernaut hockey team proves how important it is for Olympic athletes to grow up in a country whose most popular sport is one almost no other country cares about.

Considered one of the greatest skiers in modern memory, Kingsbury probably owns his own poles and everything.

The Flying Tomato herself is back!

We just made her up so we could put a picture of a pretty lady in the slideshow. No one seems to be following the Winter Games, so you’d never know the difference.

While failing to medal in her previous Olympic appearances, the 26-year-old is hoping years of additional wear and tear on her body are the key to reaching the podium this time around.

Who does this fucker think he is cutting his big hair to look more normal? You’re a clown, Shaun, don’t you get it? You’re a snow freak we gawk at for amusement. We made you, and we can break you. Don’t forget that.

This remarkable skater is going to try his best to make sure no one even remembers who the fuck Adam Rippon is.

Can this duo finally strike that balance between drunk enough to dance and so drunk they look like idiots?

Look, you don’t know who he is, we don’t know who he is—but he’s American, and if you want to shamelessly engage in some nationalistic sentiment under the guise of celebrating athletic competition, why not watch this guy?

The Vermont native’s Olympic status is in doubt after he was accused of syrup-doping.

His and his teammates’ heartwarming story will almost make you forget what the Swiss are going to do to them.

After suffering a disastrous fall in the 2018 Olympics, the tenacious Totsuka has returned to finish the job and finally kill the halfpipe that betrayed him all those years ago.

Already an Olympic gold medalist, Diggins hopes a second gold will prove to her ski instructor that she’s finally ready to leave the bunny hill.

Luge, you say? How’d you get into that? Interesting. Anyway, it was nice meeting you, Craig.

Expected to absolutely dominate all the skiers.

Cain-Gribble and LeDuc will be happy to have each other when they get their asses absolutely handed to them by some plucky Russian teens.

Hanyu has the distinction of being the first male skater to ever complete a “Super Grand Slam,” managing to balance a plate of eight pancakes, eight eggs, four bacon strips, four sausage links, and a side of hash browns during his routine without spilling a single drop.