Two years after overturning Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court is this week hearing arguments in a case that could curtail or eliminate nationwide access to mifepristone, commonly known as the abortion pill. Here are some of the things that could happen when the court eventually issues its decision.
In France, where abortion access was recently enshrined in the constitution, millions of women will glance at a headline about this; think, “Jeez, that’s rough”; and shake their heads. They’ll probably think this in French, though.
Swapping out their black robes for white lab coats, the nine justices will become the leading experts on questions regarding cellular biology, evolutionary psychology, geology, quantum physics, oceanography, astrophysics, and more.
Given mifepristone’s fatality rate of one one-thousandth of a single percent, the Food and Drug Administration will also have to consider pulling Tylenol and Pepto Bismol from the market.
The court could potentially be so hopped up on power over women’s bodies that they double-overturn Roe, resulting in the ruling being restored to its full power.
Our therapist said we needed to stop being so pessimistic.
A dash of povidone K30, a pinch of anhydrous colloidal silica, and a splash of grapefruit juice, just for flavor.
New restrictions could significantly hamper the ability of women in conservative states to access the drugs necessary to kill the demon spawn that grows within.
Can you be a good little boy and help Daddy around the house while Mommy terminates the unwanted fetus inside of her?
At last, men who immediately ejaculate into their jeans or cannot stay hard enough to penetrate their female partner—thereby offering no risk of pregnancy—will become a hot commodity.
Really? Women all over the country are suffering, and all you choose to focus on are the electoral consequences for a bunch of do-nothing losers who failed to prevent this in the first place? Un-fucking-believable.
They only happen now because women know they have the option.
Despite his past decades of goodwill, the associate justice will likely never again be given the opportunity to write the introduction to books by Judith Butler or chair the commission for any upcoming Women’s Marches.
If the court takes away telemedicine access to mifepristone, this safe haven for abortion rights could sell Baltimore as a viable destination for desperate Americans in need.
There are, however, Supreme Court cases in the pipeline looking to limit the heavy metal star’s ability to safely end a pregnancy by tearing a fetus’s head off with his teeth and spitting it into a cheering crowd.
If the abortion pill is banned, vaginas and penises from across the nation will converge on Washington in an uproar.
Don’t worry, they always come out on top.
Baby, please, we promise we’ll drive you to Canada if we have to.
Fuck it, let’s just put on the whole box.
It would be great for business and their brands.
The jukebox musical sequel to the 2019 film starring Joaquin Phoenix will be slightly less enjoyable because audiences will have to think about how messed up their country’s approach to reproductive freedom is.
Ooh, sorry, we can’t, we have our, uh, anti-racist book club that day.
Grab your passports! Vamos a México, chica!
Just when everyone thought she had it locked up, here comes a whole new crop of toddlers.
He has to stay home and take care of his buzzkill of a pregnant girlfriend now.
Now she’s as gross as your wife.
It’s the only way to crack down on telehealth.
Big bump makes it hard to reach the joystick with your arms, and that bastard Inky is relentless.
Oh wait, that already happens. Never mind!
Cripes, not another thing for them to complain about.
About 30 minute before the ruling is announced, Pelosi will sell all her shares in GenBioPro, which manufactures mifepristone.