Ways To Apologize Without Saying Sorry

Let them know you’re about actions not just words, just as long as the actions aren’t some kind of hassle.

Even if it is your fault, it’s easy to shift the blame to Oswald, who’s not only a notorious criminal but also is not likely to offer rebuttal from beyond the grave.

A grown man saying the phrase “oopsie poopsies” is distracting enough that no one will ever remember the mistake you made.

Nothing says “I’m sorry” like a big fat wad of cold hard cash.

Apologizing gives power to the person you’re apologizing to. This reverses that dynamic.

Talking like a stereotypical ditzy woman from a 1950s movie is a great way to stop saying “I’m sorry” and make men holler like cartoon wolves with their eyes bulging out.

A powerful way to change the subject in a dispute with a significant other, and even more disarming with an angry stranger you rear-ended at an intersection.

To apologize would be to call into question the destiny The Almighty selected for you eons before you were even born.

Guttural moans express your feelings better than words ever could.

If you can afford it, this is really the way to go.

Scapegoating a vulnerable population is great way to deflect your misdeeds to a blameless third party that sabotaged everything.

People’s displeasure with you will quickly turn to intrigue as they wonder how you learned how to speak Italian.

Hopefully, they haven’t read Descartes, and this will blow their fucking mind.

Assure them that they would have an apology coming if ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ mattered in a universe that’s indifferent to both.

What could have been a mere apology is now an immediate call to action to which your audience must respond if they don’t want to be a dick.

Your apology will be better received if you include clear, actionable steps you’re going to take to not them down in the future.

You’ll want to make sure there’s no follow-up questions, which could further expose you.

Saying something like this will let people know that you are truly unbearable to be around.