Twitter Employees React To Getting Laid Off

“If Mr. Musk deems it necessary, I can only assume it’s for some very intelligent and well-thought-out reason.”

“Thankfully my Nazi-platforming experience sets me up pretty good for another job at a different social network.”

“I knew the writing was on the wall the second I did my job competently.”

“I left after Mr. Musk asked where I saw myself five kids from now.”

“I filmed a video résumé of me dancing to Lizzo’s “About Damn Time,” so I’m sure TikTok will get back to me about a job soon.”

“I refused to open the email I got, so for all I know, I still work there.”

“It’s nice to be fired for something besides sexual harassment for once.”

“It’s heartbreaking to think how difficult it will be to continue the important work of destroying democracy from someplace like LinkedIn or Shopify.”

“I can always get another job working for one of the other wealthy people who hates and disrespects me.”

“I was pretty worried. Thankfully I got a job offer from Twitter the following day.”

“Ever since I was let go, a self-driving Tesla started circling my block and then speeding up whenever I go outside. I’m afraid to leave the house.”

“I’m just ecstatic Elon even acknowledged me when he asked, ‘Who let that black guy into the meeting?’”

“I resigned as CEO last year, but he sent me a dismissal email just to be a dick.”

“Oh, I got fired a few weeks ago for embezzlement, but this’ll play way better in job interviews.”

“I’ve been offered my job back if I become something called a ‘Musk bride.’ I have no other prospects, so I’m considering it.”

“It’s going to be really awkward when it’s Elon’s turn to watch our kids next weekend.”

“Wait what?! I didn’t get an email!”

“It really sucks getting fired by an email that has the word ‘epicsauce’ in it.”

“Elon will come crawling back when he realizes I’m the only one who knows how to format screenshots so they don’t zoom in too much.”

“Honestly, it was kind of a conflict of interest for me to be working there in the first place.”

“I will be leaving for Mastodon as soon as I figure out what that is.”

“I was really hoping I could stay on to see the company become more open-minded about sexual harassment.”

“Maybe I’ll be better off at Facebook, with its more predictable shittiness.”

“At least my family won’t be ashamed of me anymore.”

“It was pretty disappointing until I was asked to come back, then let go again, and then asked to come back. I’m feeling pretty good about—oh no, just got a notification. Shit.”