Fox News Viewers React To Tucker Carlson’s Exit

“I shot my TV as soon as I heard.”

“Tucker Carlson Tonight just won’t be the same without him.”

“So who the hell is going to tell me what to think now on weeknights between 8 and 9 p.m.?”

“But the Constitution explicitly states that you can’t fire Tucker Carlson.”

“One step closer to 24-hour Gutfeld.”

“I’m still trying to process which minority to blame.”

“But he was the only thing keeping me insane.”

“I’ll miss his warm, friendly frown.”

“They can take him off TV, but they can’t take him out of my sex dreams.”

“Wow, I can’t wait to watch Tucker’s take on this tonight.”

“Well, if he thinks I’m going to just give him a job as an assistant seamstress, he can forget it. He must prove himself.”

“Sorry, I can’t respond to you—I’m too busy selecting a new water trampoline for Camp Kippewa. After 30 years, we had to retire our old one, and who knew there were so many options! There are trampolines, water mats, big bouncers. So let’s just say I have my hands full, and that’s why I can’t answer your question about Tucker Carlson’s departure from Fox News.”

“Is this why I’ve been on hold for the last 68 hours trying to call into the show?”

“Probably fired for his stupid nonbinary mullet haircut.”

“After a decade of blasting his show at full volume, my doctor says I’ll never be able to hear the frequency of his whine again.”

“This is a HUGE victory for American PATRIOTS…somehow. Because now Tucker can FINALLY SAY WHAT HE WANTS, which I guess he wasn’t doing before? Honestly, it seemed like he pretty much did and said whatever he wanted and it worked out pretty well, but now the DEEP STATE can’t MUZZLE TUCKER anymore, although frankly that didn’t seem to be the case previously? I mean, any honest reading of the situation would have to reckon with the reality that Tucker’s prominence at the network basically emboldened him to make whatever claims he wanted, although maybe the financial repercussions in this case finally worked against him. So that’s pretty much a matter of the market, rather than any issue with free speech. Which is why I am not totally sure why this is a GLORIOUS DAY for FREE SPEECH and REAL AMERICANS, but it definitely, totally, somehow is.”

“I haven’t watched that garbage in years.”

“The risk of getting fired is the exact reason I always conceal-carry.”

“I’ll sexually harass an unsuspecting woman today in his honor.”

“This is just the push I needed to switch to getting all my news from Bravo.”

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