PALM BEACH, FL—Calling into question whether he had the junk in the trunk necessary to lead the country, Donald Trump reportedly slammed President Joe Biden Wednesday as America’s most flat-assed president. “You won’t hear the media reporting on it, but it’s a total pancake,” said the former president, who lambasted Biden’s backside as “shameful” and “the worst we’ve ever seen” in the nation’s nearly 250 years of posterior leadership. “Joe Biden’s pitiful behind has made us a laughing stock all over the world. An ass that weak should not sit behind the Resolute desk. It’s the flat ass from hell. What a disgrace. It’s disrespectful, and frankly, it’s un-American.” At press time, Trump was urging House Republicans to open a special investigation into where Biden even got pants that small.