- Brush Teeth With Greek Yogurt: It’s just a dollop on your toothbrush, but you’ll still swallow a bit of protein-rich yogurt instead of protein-free, cavity-fighting toothpaste.
- Burn Ronzoni Factory To The Ground: Reduced pasta supply equals less temptation to choose carbs over protein.
- Eat Meat From An Animal That Just Ate A Person: Grass-fed may be healthier, but it won’t bulk you up the way a partially digested human will.
- Poison Your Garden: By polluting the soil, you’ll be less tempted to reach for a fresh, low-protein tomato.
- Eat Anything Branded “Epic,” Or “Grizzly”: There is bound to be protein in anything with that kind of marketing.
- Befriend Sea Lions: They know where to get all the protein-dense herring.
- Watch 17 Minutes Of The Joe Rogan Experience: You’ll be eating raw elk meat in no time.
- Replace The Body Of Christ With Pepperoni: Holy Communion doesn’t have to mean empty carbs.
- Top Your Eggs With More Eggs: And more eggs and more eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs eggs.