SAN BRUNO, CA—Lamenting the plight of his existence in an era when so many seek to promote equality for all, local man Keith Naslund told reporters Monday that times were pretty tough for someone who was actually superior to women. “I understand the importance of the feminist movement and making sure women aren’t held down because they are women, but as a person who surpasses them in every way—intellectually, physically, morally—I find it hard just being myself,” said Naslund, adding that he felt the current social climate had made it next to impossible for him to express the fact that, from his career to his place in the community to his ability to attain fulfillment in life, he had achieved more than all the women around him. “I don’t want to be lumped in with all those men who wrongly think they’re better than women, because I’m not one of those guys. I just happen to be that rare man who, in a side-by-side comparison with any woman of any age, always comes out on top. Unfortunately, that’s something I have to keep a secret until it becomes more politically acceptable to interpret the nuances of gender and sexuality in a way that takes someone like me, an Übermensch, into account.” Naslund went on to state that as difficult as it was to discuss being better than women, it was even harder in today’s world to acknowledge his innate superiority to every racial and ethnic minority.