Things To Never Say To Someone Who Is Scared Of Flying

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If you know someone who is for some reason afraid to sit for several hours in a thin metal tube traveling 35,000 feet above the ground, try to avoid saying these things.

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“I actually died in a plane crash 10 years ago, and it wasn’t that bad.”

Don’t make this all about you.

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“Birds fly all the time, and they’re fine.”

You’re completely forgetting about flightless birds, idiot.

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“Just pretend you’re on something that could never possibly crash, like the Hindenburg or the Titanic.”

You really need to study your history more carefully.

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“God punishes all who dare trespass into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

It’s almost impossible to do anything about eternal damnation once you’ve checked into your flight.

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“What makes you think you’re special enough to die in a plane crash anyway?”

It’s no use trying to reason with someone who has such a huge ego.

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“My cousin is a pilot, and he’s only crashed the plane and killed everyone on board, like, three times.”

This is one of those things that only sounds reassuring in your head.

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“Don’t be scared. Airlines charge a $25 fear fee.”

Even if they lose the $25, it’s healthier to just let them get it out of their system.

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“Statistically, flying is much safer than Russian roulette.”

Spinning the chamber, pointing the gun to your head, and pulling the trigger will just make things worse.

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“The 9/11 hijackers were braver than you.”

This is unnecessarily harsh, even if, from an air travel perspective, it’s true.

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“I guess you won’t be able to visit Grandma.”

That threat has never worked on anyone.

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“You get a travel voucher if the plane goes down.”

This only applies if your surviving relatives are willing to wait on a customer support line for 12 hours.

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“Amelia Earhart died in a plane accident, and she’s famous.”

Most people will take this the wrong way.

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“Planes only crash, like, 45% of the time.”

Citing statistics isn’t helpful in their mental state.

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“Just close your eyes and imagine all the other painful ways of dying that are more likely.”

Believe it or not, this can actually induce more stress.

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“If you die up here, your soul will get to heaven that much faster.”

Yes, because the delays getting into the afterlife are what they’re worried about.

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“It’s much safer than riding a bird.”

While it’s true that you’re more likely to die riding a bird to the airport than in a plane crash, many people’s fear of air travel extends to birds too.

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“If we crash, your school might name something after you.”

They still don’t want to die, even if it means their alma mater will finally have a new name for the Strom Thurmond Memorial Library.

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“You’ll never take off because your flight will inevitably be canceled.”

As if flying weren’t scary enough, now they have to worry about missing an overpriced destination wedding.

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“Just because Charles Lindbergh was a Nazi sympathizer doesn’t mean flying will turn you into one too.”

Pretty sure flying had nothing to do with Lindbergh’s fondness for the Nazis.

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“JetBlue pilots keep their loop-de-loops to a minimum.”

That also means JetBlue pilots have less experience with the aerobatic stunt, which isn’t going to reassure anyone when their pilot busts a loop-de-loop shortly after takeoff.

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“No one is more scared than the bird that got sucked into your plane’s engine.”

Now they have two things to feel bad about.

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“The plane drives itself most of the way there.”

But those few minutes in the air are still terrifying as fuck.

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“It’s much less scary in first class”

No need to rub it in.

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You’ve made it this far…

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Things To Never Say To Someone Who Is Scared Of Flying

“I actually died in a plane crash 10 years ago, and it wasn’t that bad.”

“I actually died in a plane crash 10 years ago, and it wasn’t that bad.”

“Birds fly all the time, and they’re fine.”

“Birds fly all the time, and they’re fine.”

“Just pretend you’re on something that could never possibly crash, like the Hindenburg or the Titanic.”

“Just pretend you’re on something that could never possibly crash, like the Hindenburg or the Titanic.”

“God punishes all who dare trespass into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“God punishes all who dare trespass into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“What makes you think you’re special enough to die in a plane crash anyway?”

“What makes you think you’re special enough to die in a plane crash anyway?”

“My cousin is a pilot, and he’s only crashed the plane and killed everyone on board, like, three times.”

“My cousin is a pilot, and he’s only crashed the plane and killed everyone on board, like, three times.”

“Don’t be scared. Airlines charge a $25 fear fee.”

“Don’t be scared. Airlines charge a $25 fear fee.”

“Statistically, flying is much​ safer than Russian roulette.”

“Statistically, flying is much​ safer than Russian roulette.”

“The 9/11 hijackers were braver than you.”

“The 9/11 hijackers were braver than you.”

“I guess you won’t be able to visit Grandma.”

“I guess you won’t be able to visit Grandma.”

“You get a travel voucher if the plane goes down.”

“You get a travel voucher if the plane goes down.”

“Amelia Earhart died in a plane accident, and she’s famous.”

“Amelia Earhart died in a plane accident, and she’s famous.”

“Planes only crash, like, 45% of the time.”

“Planes only crash, like, 45% of the time.”

“Just close your eyes and imagine all the other painful ways of dying that are more likely.”

“Just close your eyes and imagine all the other painful ways of dying that are more likely.”

“If you die up here, your soul will get to heaven that much faster.”

“If you die up here, your soul will get to heaven that much faster.”

“It’s much safer than riding a bird.”

“It’s much safer than riding a bird.”

“If we crash, your school might name something after you.”

“If we crash, your school might name something after you.”

“You’ll never take off because your flight will inevitably be canceled.”

“You’ll never take off because your flight will inevitably be canceled.”

“Just because Charles Lindbergh was a Nazi sympathizer doesn’t mean flying will turn you into one too.”

“Just because Charles Lindbergh was a Nazi sympathizer doesn’t mean flying will turn you into one too.”

“JetBlue pilots keep their loop-de-loops to a minimum.”

“JetBlue pilots keep their loop-de-loops to a minimum.”

“No one is more scared than the bird that got sucked into your plane’s engine.”

“No one is more scared than the bird that got sucked into your plane’s engine.”

“The plane drives itself most of the way there.”

“The plane drives itself most of the way there.”

“It’s much less scary in first class”

“It’s much less scary in first class”

You’ve made it this far…

You’ve made it this far…

“Statistically, flying is much safer than Russian roulette.”

“Statistically, flying is much safer than Russian roulette.”