Legends are made and legacies are secured in the spotlight of the NBA Finals, where a transcendent performance can forever seal a spot as one of the greatest NBA players ever, or a bad one can forever seal your fate as Karl Malone. Here are The Onion’s greatest NBA finals performances of all time.
Magic famously played all 20 known positions of the basketball game in the last five minutes to help put the series away, including the coach, play-by-play guy, and the sweat guy by sliding his body over the court to keep the floor dry.
Jordan sealed a sixth title, capping off another iconic performance, with his famous “last shot.” But a close view of the replay shows the Hall of Famer clearly pushing off and then repeatedly stabbing Bryon Russell.
After putting up 27 and 12 in a clinching Game 4, the then Lew Alcindor called a press conference where he requested reporters call him by his Muslim name, Muhammad Ali, and then several hours later called another press conference to ask reporters to give him a week.
Advanced metrics rate this the greatest-ever playoff performance by a soft, bandwagoning little toady.
Mikan’s size and post prowess allowed him to have a completely dominant performance against the Syracuse Nationals’ two stars, Ricky “Smelly Buckle” Perry and Henry “Two Shoes, One Sock” Foust.
Three years into his career, Dwayne Wade used the 2006 Finals as a platform to come out as one of the best players in the world, and cemented himself as the future host of The Cube on Thursdays at 9/8 Central on TBS.
He would be mad if we left him off the list and we wouldn’t want to make him angry.
After averaging 27.4 points and 14 rebounds in almost 46 minutes, Duncan celebrated his first Finals MVP by quietly enjoying a soft pretzel while visiting San Antonio’s Witte Museum.
Overcame a 3-1 deficit to Warriors by refusing to lose, successfully seeking an injunction to halt the Finals in the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals until the Cavaliers could eek out a victory 15 months later.
Wilt the Stilt drew major accolades for his remarkable performance in 1967 Finals, in which he personally led the 76ers to a title while simultaneously increasing the population of Philly by 35%.
For his third straight title and Finals MVP, Shaq powered the Lakers to a sweep with the grueling strategy of standing under the basket and dunking, only to be interrupted every so often to miss some free throws.
Olajuwon took a fourth seed to a championship in a spectacular achievement that sadly doesn’t count because Jordan was not playing that year.
Walton’s mastery of his third eye transcended to the basketball court and helped lock down defense on the spiritual plane.